On The Brain

Do you ever see a picture of someone and immediately think, "I would like them."? Sometimes I feel like I want so much out of life, but I forget how much I want from what's so simply around me. A good conversation always gets my senses tingling. A good movie will often do the same, provoke a sort of notion and let you slip mindlessly into some broken idea of what better company or better circumstances are like. I don't mean anything by this. I don't mean there can be anything better, I mean there's something I've got that I can actually fulfill every so often. However, it's this insecurity that drives me. I know there's a vast, infinite, grand, astronomical, insert every other word in the english dictionary that means great amount of things that make this world. The places, the species, the plants, the culture, the weather, the sounds, the feelings. Oh I don't know what's happened here, there's no chance of being bored because there is just so much...depth to it all. I swear, in the most minute, tiniest, insignificant, microscopic, insert every other word in the english dictionary that means little things there's a story of it's beginnings, doings, purpose, and endings. And that's not to mention it's trials, trivialities, embarassments, discoveries, accomplishments and the like. I don't know. There was a woman I came upon one time. She smiled and I thought, "I want to have a conversation with her." But I didn't. So it made me sad that this piece of the world that was offered to me just carelessly slipped by and I'll surely never get to understand it. This then sparks another thing to mind. The word that immediately comes to mind is ashamed. However, this is not not not not not not true. I've been so honestly given an idea of what should be by my dad for so long growing up, that what actually had become is not the case. Sex, drugs and alcohol have indeed been so much of who I've been before and no doubt who I'll be. But it's who I am that day. Although the negative connotation plagues these things, I can only appreciate what's been a result from them. And that is me. And that is not to say I solely owe myself to these things, that would be tragic. No such thing can exist only because there's so much that can fuel a person. I'd like to think therein lies the story that is so intriguing. I don't know....Take me into the thick mist that is your story and I'll take you into mine. It's only fair.